The Stories That Don't Get Told
Military service is one of the most significant experiences a person can have, and one of the hardest to talk about. Most veterans don't volunteer the details. They don't want to seem like they're dramatizing something. They assume their family wouldn't really understand. They've moved on, or tried to.
The result is that extraordinary stories go unrecorded. The generation that served in World War II is nearly gone, and the amount of first-hand experience that has already been lost is impossible to calculate. The same thing will happen with veterans of Korea, Vietnam, and every conflict since, if the people who love them don't make it a priority to ask.
This guide is for the families and friends of veterans. Here is how to approach the conversation, what to ask, and how to give the story a permanent home.
Before You Ask
Tell them why. Veterans often downplay their service, especially with family. If you come to the conversation with a clear reason, "I want to understand what you went through, and I want our family to know this part of you," you are more likely to get a real answer than if you approach it casually.
Don't expect one conversation to cover everything. Some veterans talk freely. Others open up over months, a little at a time. Start with the questions that feel least fraught, and let the harder ones come later, if they come at all.
Don't push on what they won't talk about. There are things some veterans will never discuss. Respect that boundary. You are not there to extract a complete account. You are there to capture what they're willing to share.
Have a way to record it. A phone propped on the table captures audio and sometimes video with no disruption. Let them know you're recording and why: you want to be able to share this with family someday, and you don't want to rely on memory.
Questions to Ask
About Their Decision to Serve
- How old were you when you enlisted or were drafted?
- What was happening in your life at that point?
- What did your family think about you serving?
- Did you have any idea what you were getting into?
About Training and the Early Days
- Where did you train, and what was that like?
- Who were your closest friends during that time?
- What surprised you most about military life at first?
- What skills did you learn that you use to this day?
About Their Service
- Where were you stationed or deployed?
- What was a typical day like, if there was such a thing?
- What was the most difficult part of the experience, physically or emotionally?
- Is there a moment or a person from that time that you still think about?
- What do you wish civilians understood about what you went through?
About Coming Home
- What was it like to come back?
- What was the hardest adjustment you had to make?
- How did your experience change your perspective on things?
- What do you carry from that time that is actually useful in regular life?
Looking Back
- Are you glad you served?
- What do you want people to know about that period of your life?
- Is there something about your service that you've never fully explained to your family?
- What would you want your grandchildren or great-grandchildren to understand about what that time was like?
Organizations That Can Help
If you want to do this at a larger scale, or if the veteran in your life is more comfortable with a formal process, several organizations specialize in capturing and preserving veteran stories.
StoryCorps (storycorps.org) runs a military stories project and provides recording tools and guidance. Some recordings go into the Library of Congress's archive.
The Library of Congress Veterans History Project (loc.gov/vets) collects first-hand accounts of American war veterans. Families can submit recorded interviews, memoirs, and other materials directly.
Honor Flight Network (honorflight.org) takes veterans to Washington D.C. to see the memorials dedicated to their service. Many chapters have programs for recording stories during or around the trip.
These are valuable resources, but they require the veteran to engage with an external process. For many families, a recorded conversation at home, preserved in a form the family controls, is the more practical choice.
Giving the Story a Permanent, Reachable Home
Recordings and documents are valuable, but they need to live somewhere the family can find them.
Afterword is a service that gives veterans and their families a permanent hosted page for the full life story, including military service. The author writes it themselves using 9 guided sections, covering childhood, their service years within the "life they built" section, what they believe, their proudest moments, a letter to their family, and how they want to be remembered.
The page includes a physical weatherproof QR plaque designed to be placed on a headstone, urn, veterans' marker, or memorial bench. When anyone scans it, they reach the full story, in the veteran's own words, available indefinitely.
For families who have already recorded a conversation, Afterword also works as a memorial page for a veteran who has passed. Family members can compile the stories, photos, and history into a permanent digital record linked to a physical marker.
Start an Afterword for a veteran
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Afterword is a hosted memorial page and QR plaque service. Founding author price is $149.99 one-time, available through March 2027. No subscription or renewals. Learn more.
Your story deserves to be told in your own words.
Afterword gives you the space to write it, guided questions, permanent hosting, and a memory marker shipped to your door.
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